Dear Friend,

            Today a birth day.  A dim memory of a day of BIRTH – February 14, 1984.  Only hurried, scribbled accounts written during that “time” remain.  By “time” calculations, on this day, February 14, 1991, “I” emerge now seven years old or young – I know not which.

            “Death is swallowed up in victory” rings out from region after region.  Written somewhere and on some shelf or in some drawer is a rather strange account of that day and is entitled, Her Name was Kay.  If she died, who did the writing?  Who was there to give the account?  And, if her name was Kay, what was her new name?

            Man (mind) cannot know nor comprehend that new name that “ … no man knoweth save (except) him who receiveth it.”

            Bound by the confines of NOW.  I just “heard” that.  Can’t get out of Now.  As the fetters of past and future fall away and one is no longer “bound” by them, a new “binding” emerges – that of the timeless Now.  Yet one is “bound” to Now.  There is one aspect, a criterion, if you will, by which that which IS, or truth may be tested and that is its eternality.  To be true – it must be eternal.  Nowness is a state of eternality, is not linear, hence time less.  It is vertical – depth and height together.

            Ancient scriptures speak on one path and ten directions!  Sounds strange and incomprehensible until one “sees” depth and height as the two “directions” of which humanity is ordinarily unaware.  We certainly know of the four directions – North, South, East and west.  And we know of the four in-between directions.  That makes eight.  But ten!  Where are the other two?  The eight horizontal directions are intercepted by the other two – which is experienced as and indeed is height and depth.  The vertical beam of the cross of crucifixion represents this interception, this cutting of the horizontal beam.

            The NOW-moment which is tucked between horizontal (past-future) movement of mind is so infinitesimal, so unnoticed, so no-thing, that Jesus described it as “the way is straight and narrow and few there be who enter”.  Then he speaks of the “broad way” which leadeth to destruction.  The “broad way” is mind moving horizontally in all eight directions.  Until one is tapped on the shoulder or upon the head, so to speak, and is awakened to the vertical (height and depth), one walks around completely oblivious to any other dimension than the horizontal “broad way”.  When this height and depth meet – one’s light or energy field radiates out in all ten directions.

            To be unconscious of the vertical height and depth is certainly not the “fault” of anyone for “we” of ourselves have no say-so in the matter.  The hand of grace moves in a certain moment – a moment we cannot know beforehand.  About this WE have no choice.

            I have heard many evangelists explain the “broad way which leadeth to destruction” as a path of outer doings such as drug and sexual indulgence, lack of being “saved” and in order to “go the straight and narrow way,” one must change his/her outer doings or not-doings as the case may be.  Otherwise, God has a hell and damnation hole into which those who stubbornly refuse to “change” will be hurled.  Only public confession and repentance will bring these wayward ones back into the fold.

            To exploit people in the name of God has long been a trade secret of many preachers and politicians.  These strange bedfellows may help keep you a “God-fearing” citizen which in turn keeps the wheel of society running smoothly on the surface at any rate.  It will make one “good” and perhaps eventuate into smugness and proudness of our goodness.  It can manifest into blocks of humanity being “for” or “against” a political issue, a war, etc.  In this way, church and state are not separate, but bedfellows, separate only in the light of day.

            A developed, managed moral character is the outcome of succumbing to such religious/political conditionings.  Fear based, if not fear of what will my neighbor think, my banker, my family, my dog think, then certainly a fear of what will God think.  Such “character” by its very birth (out of mind) always demands that you (mind) carefully manage and maintain it.  Certainly you can see that born of man must be maintained by man (mind).  Certainly you can see that it cannot be from the beyond if birthed out of mind.  There is no transformation in it.  No rebirth.  For rebirth is beyond the mind and true character is a shadow of arising consciousness and need not be managed and propped up by the “good” opinions of others nor collapsed by the “bad” opinions of others.  One finds that by turning within, one’s world is hung on nothing (NO-THING) yet the solidness of this “nothing” is beyond imagination or description.

            For one ignorant of his own being to teach or preach in the name of God is simply exploitation.  Let us be clear about this.  Just a type of professional consolation at best.  If one does not know one’s own Being, how is one to point to it?  Jesus was quite clear when he said “the kingdom of God is within you” and if the kingdom is there, then God must be there also.  Very, very clear.  No ifs or buts.  No maybes or conditions.  No if you are black or white or brown or protestant or catholic or American or Hindu or Muslim.  Just simple.  Not if you are first good or bad.  One who has touched one’s own Being is rather rebellious.  By this is not meant pro-war or anti-war, pro-democrat nor pro-communist.  NO.  To know one’s own Being is not to be protestant nor catholic, nor white nor brown, nor communist nor American.  One is not the body nor is one the mind!  This is true rebellion.  All other rebellion is mundane, ordinary affairs which change from this to that and back again to another this.  Just to keep you occupied so that, God forbid, you should cease long enough to simply go within is what all the outer strivings: to be celibate, to not eat meat, to be for or against a movement and all the rest of it is about.  Remember, what you (mind) become adverse to can change to attachment and vise-versa.  For instance, if your mind is arguing or agreeing with the above you are now occupied with arguing or agreeing.

            Keep ever with “Not by might, nor by power, but by my spirit” no matter how loudly “others” object to your actions.  This demands MUCH inner abiding.  Living for the opinion of other often expresses itself in the noble trap of “setting an example” but the price of being heralded as a saint is high.  You risk being ripped apart inside.  “Except the Lord (Spirit—not others nor you) build the house, you labor in vain.”

            The same preacher who declares “One God” recently declared a day of prayer for “our boys” in the Gulf Region.  No mention was made of prayer for “their boys”.  This in the latter part of the Twentieth  century!  This, declared on a national scale!  Surely the time is come that we at least acknowledge that there is only one God, and in that, certainly there is no God that will “save” our troops and “destroy” their troops.

            Surely in the waning close of the twentieth century we could at least acknowledge that God is just as much the God of the enemy as of the friend.  One wonders what might happen if some nationally known evangelist asked the populace to pray for the enemy as well as for the allies.  Further, what would happen if we were asked to steal quietly to the center of our being and there realize that Saddam Hussein and troops are not good nor are they bad; that rather they are just Being.  God-being actually.  No more and no less.  Do you know that you cannot possibly sit down and hate another without bringing in the past or the future?  Without bringing in what he/she has done in the past to you or another or what he/she may do to you or another in the future, it is impossible to hate.  Try it and see.  Sit down and just see the man or the woman and do not bring in past or future.    They are doing nothing.  They are just there---harmless.  Try and “see”.  This is the “seeing” which is the blessing of being confined to the NOW moment.  Also, this seeing produces a clarity which cannot be ignored.  The “what to do” is embedded in this clarity.

            Earlier in this writing we spoke of being “bound” to the “NOW”.  Can you “see,” discern that this “binding” has in it the benediction, the bestowal of blessing?  That this blessing is alchemy?  That this binding is the blessing.  It is also quite practical.

            Would all this mean our troops would be unable to fight, to kill another?  Does it mean we should just sit and allow “evil” foreign forces to trample upon “innocent” and “good” forces?

            All this is futile speculation.  What it does mean is effective prayer.  What it does mean is that we go to the center and there behold “Being”.  Next, it means that “outer action”, the “what to do” is a shadow of this beholding.  This is what it means and that is all that it means.  A war or no war is not brought into question.  To fight or not to fight is not the immediate consideration.  The first and immediate consideration is to go within and go within until “Being” is beheld.  Not good being or bad being---just Being.  “In all thy ways acknowledge (behold Being) Him and He will (signs follow) direct thy path.”

            Do you see that?  Our prejudices and hates and loves cannot enter “Being.”  There, from that height, if there is a “war”  it will not be hot nor cold, it will be just war---war like actors on a stage.  They put on a believable fight, but there is no personal hate or prejudice goading in their guts.  Even if they are playing the part of Jack the Ripper, they never become Jack the Ripper, but abide always as their true identity.  Yes, a few actors become the part they are playing and continue the part even off stage.  But these are pathological cases in need of help---psychological at least and spiritual at most.

            Our “hate the enemy” and patriotic flag-waving mania and “praying for our troops” produces just such pathological cases---those for whom the war doesn’t end when the war ends.  Just so, for some actors the part doesn’t end when the play ends.

            If we expect “God (to) bless the USA” and damn other nations, then we are far, far from “Being home in thee”.  The war in the Gulf is just the gulf we must enter and it is very close by.  Closer than breathing.  Joel says, “We release the forces that curse us and release the forces that bless us”.  It is that when we give we give to ourselves and the flip-side is that what we withhold we withhold from ourselves.  (That one eventually does not give nor withhold will not be discussed here.)

            Spiritual power is a rising above withholding blessing from the “enemy” and allowing (not using it for we cannot use it) that power to manifest itself in outer activity using us as vehicles.

            The basic underlying cause of any war (in the home, office, the Gulf region) is that of relationship.  That of needing or wanting something from another-be that other friend or spouse or nation.

            Not first finding the inner One, we stumble and bumble on the outer expecting another to join in our schemes, our likes and dislikes, our moods and so forth and if another does not join in, we go and find someone who will.  But it will not last.  We think it will, but alas, we soon are disappointed.  Of this emotional roller coaster we soon weary.  It is NOT love.  To have satisfaction in the outer, it must first be found within.  Once we are caught in the blind (and stupid) search for happiness in the without, dependent upon possessions or people and putting our dependence so much in the other that we are devastated when they or it fail us, we are doomed.  That is much like building the foundation of a house “over there” and trying to build the house “here”.

            Only when we complete ourself first by going inward can we give to others in all ways and yet remain unshaken if they fail us.  Why?  The simple reason is that our happiness was never dependent upon them in the first place.  Also, to find and depend  first upon the inner One, to enjoy alone times, we find that our minds will not look for and fabricate problems which are not there.

            We will love in others what we have found first in ourselves.  Then, the miracle!  We birth love!  The problem is not with another.  The problem is that we haven’t found the One, the inner One within ourselves.  Finding the One within, we find in the without—in that order.  Then, then, if the one we are with is not compatible---we can gently, firmly say so, and yes, find that the way opens for “them” also.

            Yes!  Today is “love” day.  Seek the inner one!  Want that One. The outer will follow—the outer is a shadow of the inner.  Even something appearing as war is then just a shadow.   Shadows are discounted.  Shadows have no substance and simply cannot cause undue concern.

            I will share a “personal” something with you.  On February 14, 1984, after 3:30 p.m., my son met me at my office (I, or not I, had just arrived there stunned and shaken yet with tremendous Light Everywhere) and presented me with a huge valentine card.  Upon opening it, I realized it was playing a tune!  Guess what the title was!

You Light Up My Life.

With Love from Myself,
           Kay