Why do I feel so dead? I would have to MOVE to shoot myself and that is too much of an expenditure of energy. I have done something wrong, no doubt. What? What have I done to deserve this lack of energy, this lack of any care about anything?
You have prepared for this day for a long "time" – that there be "time" no more.
You are being freed of "time" which is what "thought" is. These thoughts are a drag, baggage – which weigh you down. As this burden of thoughts of the past is lifted, you too will "lift off" and the former things are of no report unless you go back in the past and revive them--do not do that--you have done that enough.
Now it is enough that you rest, that you stay awake. Don't drift back into the past – into sleepiness
Rejoice and allow the Beauty of Being. Let the Sole One take charge--you quit.
You have been through a major upheaval in this teaching--all your concepts had to be challenged--exposed--it is not fun to have your ignorance exposed--to realize the sheer futility your whole life has been. One does not like to see that "personal goodness" even does not go unpunished, does not end up on the dung heap of just so much a-do about nothing. No one appreciates your goodness, if for one second you cease the "good works"--you come to the unvarnished truth--you never did it for "them" it was all for you.
You find that a master is a slave in disguise and a slave is a master in disguise and both are deplorable. All the conditioning–religious, moral, financial, physical, meta-physical–has been questioned and found to be so much fodder; just cannot nourish.
All dependencies prove worthless. Hopelessness, nothing to grasp, nothing to rely on--not even God--which again is a concept of that which we "think" God is. Give up! Totally naked, totally without hope of any name or nature; without any taste for former enjoyments; without any past and no hope of nor for the future--naked, vulnerable like unto a rose flower: unburdened, alone, hope gone. Ground Zero--do not move from this spot, simply look up, simply look....
For "when thou was young, (immature, burdened with vanity and strange notions) thou girdest thyself and walkest where thou wouldest, but now that thou art old (mature, naked, unknowing) thou shall stretch forth thy hands and another shall gird thee and carry thee where thou wouldst not go." John 21:18